As has been the theme most of this week, I had minimal time with my horn today. I tried to focus during my 50 minutes of practice time, but I was just having a hard time keeping the negative thoughts away and feeling progress. I went to hear a horn-tastic orchestra concert tonight and I couldn't help thinking about how incredibly motivated I was in my undergrad to become a brass jock. I know now, thanks to my teaching experience, that that motivation was mostly extrinsic and not super healthy nor sustainable. But man I miss it. I miss wanting to play louder, higher, faster, shorter, whatever, than the person practicing next to me. I miss the gnawing excerpt-to-excerpt competition in master classes. I miss the "who warmed up earlier in the morning/practiced concerti later into the night" humble bragging.
I don't miss any of those things, to be honest. I guess I just miss college. As I said, I never had a healthy relationship with practice in my college years, which is a large part of why I started this blog. But tonight hearing a powerhouse horn section in an orchestra, which is all that I wanted from life from the age of 18-23, took me back to that time. And made me feel even more disappointed with this week's progress.
Tomorrow is a new day, though. What's next?
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| Long tones, my dear. Long tones. |
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