Now what, Tom?

Also, I'm a big fan of his three-chord ukulele tabs.

Though I profess to have somewhat sophisticated music tastes, I have a soft spot for Tom Petty.  He reminds me of backpacking trips and impromptu karaoke and the simpler times in life.  And whenever I'm in a period of anticipation, I always ALWAYS get his song stuck in my head: "The Waiting is the Hardest Part."  It's just so true, Tom!  It's the hardest part!

And it is, mostly.  Those days when every time you open your email inbox you feel your stomach lurch are tense, to say the least.  Over the past 6 weeks, I've been waiting to hear back from about 8 different auditions for various things, some just for fun, some related to My Future (dum da da duuum!)  And it's all over now.  I've heard back from everything, and in the spirit of full disclosure, got rejected from 6.5 (the half being a waitlist-type thing).  But the one I got accepted to is a big deal.  Like, change my life big deal.  Like, I'm moving to New York in the fall to be part of the coolest music program in the country big deal.

I'm really proud of myself, and really honored that the-people-behind-the-one-way-mirror picked me.  Me!  That almost never happens.  Music is just so freaking competitive, being the last one standing is rare and almost uncomfortable.  Because now comes the actual hardest part...acceptance.  Over the past 5 days since I heard the good news, I've been swatting away the voice in my head that says, "You, yes you!  Are you excited?  Are you ready?  Are you sure?  Are you going to wear that?"

Now comes the wash of emotions under the umbrella of entitlement.  Do I deserve this?  Am I really good enough?  How can I prove that to myself and to others?

La casa del Insecurities.

I don't like being rejected, but this is like some sort of reverse-psychology rejection.  And it sucks.  I have a feeling that it will retreat back into the dark cave where it lives, like all my other disappointment-related feelings. 
The fact is, I'm exactly the same person/horn player/musician that I was 6 days ago.  And I don't have to be anything other than me. With maybe a slightly cooler haircut.  I am moving to NYC after all.